VU Associate Professor Jurgita Lazauskaitė-Zabielskė: Why Do Some People Like Christmas While Others Do Not?

To summarise the existing research, it has been concluded that the major holidays of the year are not, in general, a positive period. It is a time when many people experience stress, fatigue, tension caused by family conflict, lack of time, and increased costs. Increased consumption of alcohol and food, combined with reduced physical activity during this period, also contribute to this problem. On the “Science without Sermons” website, the Psychologist and Associated Professor from the Faculty of Philosophy at Vilnius University, Dr Jurgita Lazauskaitė-Zabielskė said that, in order for the holidays to bring us joy, it is necessary to set our priorities correctly and reduce the raised expectations.

Christmas tension equals that experienced over a minor violation of the law

Lazauskaitė-Zabielskė pointed out that the well-known stress researchers T. Holmes and R. Rahe have included Christmas in the list of life’s forty-three stressful events. According to the researchers, the tension experienced at Christmas is comparable to that of a minor violation of the law or the tension occurring due to changed sleeping habits.

“Basically, most experts do not attribute this tension to Christmas itself, but to the period before it,” said the Associate Professor. “In other words, with all the preparation for the holidays going on, we experience a lot of tension, stress, rushing about, and lack of time. Major research covering eleven European countries has even shown that people are the least satisfied with their lives during the Christmas period – especially right before and during the holidays.”

According to her, this effect is missing, or is much less valid, for Christians, i.e. for those people who view Christmas from a religious standpoint. These individuals feel much better and experience less tension because their focus is on more spiritual things.

We each have special Christmas scenarios

According to Lazauskaitė-Zabielskė, everyone accumulates experience as they make their way along the path of life, which is based on the associations in their memory archives.

“We connect different things, events, people, emotions, and other experiences. We each have our own associations connected to Christmas, so it is a different kind of generalised experience,” she explained. “For some people, it’s pleasant childhood moments, the experience of Santa Claus visiting their home unexpectedly and joyful gifts – but for others, it’s associated with loneliness and maybe even the pain of loss.”

The psychologist pointed out that we learn not only through direct experience but also from other people. We learn by talking, listening to the stories of our friends or neighbours, reading books, watching movies, hearing stories in the media, and so on. In this way, we form a picture that is called a “scenario” in social psychology.

“Scenarios also apply to Christmas. What should Christmas be like? How many dishes should be included on the table? What should we wear? How many and what kind of people are supposed to get together? And how should everyone feel?” said the Associate Professor, sharing some examples. “Psychology and market research even explore things like the smell of Christmas. If we give research participants a choice of several scents, everyone will unequivocally agree on which scent is most like the scent of Christmas. Our scenarios include the smallest details. And what do these scenarios give us? Of course, it’s expectations.”

According to Lazauskaitė-Zabielskė, on the one hand, we can predict what certain events will look like – and in this case, we even have a sense of what Christmas will feel like – but at the same time, we hope that everything will match our mental scenario. “Sometimes, people say that Christmas feels fake. Why? Perhaps because there is no snow. This is nothing else but broken expectations,” she said.
The Associate Professor explained that the violation of expectations is experienced very intensively, especially when it touches on aspects that are important to us – the relationships in our family or our close environment, leading to conflicts, losses, or otherwise unpleasant events. Our environment is very conducive to activating scenarios and expectations.

Comparison with others leads to unnecessary tension

The psychologist pointed out that the joy of Christmas is often overshadowed due to comparisons with others.
“Let’s take walking around the city as an example. What do we see? Decorated streets and shopping centres. We see people smiling, buying gifts, and having a good time. So what kind of conclusion do we draw? They are happy. Gradually, we start to make comparisons – do we feel happy? How do we look at our lives and experiences in the context of happiness existing for everyone else?”

The interviewee emphasised that people might seem, but might not necessarily be happy. However, when we see people all smiling in the same manner, we cannot know what is hiding behind that smile – to us, it seems that they are all experiencing things in the same, or a very similar way. Then, if we are feeling depressed, the contrast will only increase. We may want to distance ourselves from the hustle and bustle, especially if the festive atmosphere does not fit our mental state in any way.

According to the expert, this comparison and imagining of what Christmas should be like and how we think most people enjoy it can result in a very real tension if our own experience looks different.

“We don’t even have a Christmas tree. There is no snow. I haven’t even started thinking about gifts. In fact, a third of all people buy their presents a week before Christmas – but all of this doesn't matter to us. It is the comparison that makes us even more tense. Most of these expectations are in our minds, and only we create those expectations for ourselves,” said Lazauskaitė-Zabielskė.

Properly arranged priorities are the keys to a good holiday

The psychologist revealed that research has been done comparing the well-being of people who prioritise different things, both before and during Christmas. “Those who are worried about gifts, shopping, and the material side of the holiday end up feeling the worst. These are the people who have a lot of expectations about what things should look like, how much has to be done, and how many gifts must be bought. Such people end up feeling the worst,” she said.

According to the expert, in addition to those mentioned earlier who embrace the religious view, those who focus on strengthening their family relationships and being with those closest to them end up feeling the best. Relationships, especially good family relationships, are a huge reserve of happiness, not only during Christmas but also on a daily basis.

“What is the meaning of this holiday? Is it a meaningful celebration aimed at reaching for some higher purpose, strengthening one’s relationships, reviewing this year’s goals, and setting new goals? Or is it a celebration that puts a physical and financial strain on people, but needs to be fulfilled and experienced? These are the two main groups of people that have been identified through the research,” said Lazauskaitė-Zablieskė. “But you can choose your own personal stance. What would you like your holidays to look like? What should they be targeted at? What should your expectations be for the holidays? It is very important to take the time to think about these things.”