Dr Nataliia Pustovit. Ukraine in the Flames of War: The Story of a Kharkiv Resident
February 24, 2022, is a day that will imprint in the memory of my people the first hours of the brutal and bloody war against Ukraine. Hours of the struggle of an independent nation for its land, values, identity, and the right to live on its own territory. February 24 dramatically changed everything…
I was in Kharkiv when russia invaded my country. I woke up at 5 a.m. because of explosions. I quickly got dressed and stared out of the window for a few more minutes trying to find the source of the explosions. It became clear – the war began.
The day turned out to be surprisingly warm and sunny, and the winter almost receded. Early in the morning, there was a motion on the streets: some people packed their bags into cars, and others went to stores and pharmacies. It seemed to me that people were confused. The first thing I did was set up official media on my phone to keep track of the events. Then I went to the store, but the queue was very long which made no sense for me to stand in it. "There's still food, water too", I thought and left the store. The night from February 24 to February 25 was the last time I slept in my own bed. After, I spent a few nights in the corridor of my apartment dressed, with an alarming suitcase, ready to evacuate.
By the way, I did not prepare the alarming suitcase beforehand. I packed it more intuitively right after the invasion because I knew that I might need to have medicine, food for 2 days, documents, and some clothes. Every day the city became louder and louder: russian artillery was working. On my birthday, March 1, an enemy cruise missile hit the building of the Kharkiv Military Administration. My brother managed to congratulate me before the explosion, and only after that, did I learn about the destruction of the building. Sitting in the hallway of my apartment, I felt such devastation which is hard to describe in words. It is like someone took something very dear to your heart from you and trampled your crystal world with a dirty boot.
I will never forget the night when russian aircraft flew over the roof of my house. What helped me to mentally survive that night was the TV and conversations at night with my parents. I think they were scared more than I was. Before going to bed in the hallway, I learned about security issues. In the first few days, there was a lot of information regarding the best shelters within an apartment. I learned the rule of two walls and since then followed it. There was nothing to say about any bathroom as I knew it was very dangerous. At that time, I felt both fear and fatigue, but what I knew clearly from the first days of the war, and what remains unchanged today is an unbreakable faith in our victory.
I was tired and fatigue was growing a little because I did not sleep at all. There was only the illusion of sleep, sometimes a semblance of silence. My apartment is located on the 10th floor, which is an additional risk factor in wartime because the aircraft can get there. Frankly speaking, I was not intimidated by aircraft as my first degree I completed at Kharkiv Aviation University. Aircraft was a common thing for me, I even developed design documentation. My heart indeed was constricted by the rockets that bombed my city and brought death and destruction. After all, at the helm of the fighters were not pilots but pure evil in human bodies.
Day by day the danger of airstrikes began to grow. I started looking for a shelter outside of my apartment and inspected our basement several times. It became obvious that in case of blockages, there would be enough oxygen for a few minutes, then – death. Luckily, there is a subway station not far from my house. Exactly it became my home for a few nights.
In the first days of March winter began returning to the city. It was gloomy and snowy. Every single day more and more people were leaving Kharkiv. The city looked orphaned. It was snowing, nervously and frequently pigeons rose from the roofs of buildings because of shelling. Sleep became a rarity. I had to learn to live under new circumstances. Comfortable clothes and shoes, availability of an alarming suitcase and a well-planned schedule became my priorities. I entered the subway station at 6 p.m. and left at 6 a.m. During that timeframe, the subway was sealed for the sake of our security. Honestly, underground life is a challenge, it is hard but safe. My first night in the subway was very disturbing as everyone tracked the news about Zaporizhia Nuclear Power Plant which was captured by russian troops. At that time my imagination drew pictures of the apocalypse across the whole continent in the case of a nuclear explosion. Was hard. That night was over.
In the subway I met and talked to many people, the boundaries of social conventionality are blurred there, everything is easier and everyone becomes your good friend. What incredible people were on duty at the station! In the first few days, humanitarian aid had not been yet well prepared, but step by step everything became more organized. I often heard applause in the subway but did not really understand what they were for. Then it became clear: people applauded the volunteers who delivered food, water and medicine. Most of us slept on the floor. It is very cold in the subway and it is easy to catch a cold there. To avoid this, I prepared a construction which consisted of my travel bag, woollen blanket and a pillow. I put the pillow behind my back and leaned on it meanwhile sitting on my travel bag. In a sitting position, I spent my sleepless nights. Later people gave me cardboard which I laid beneath my improvised armchair for additional insulation. Every morning I packed my suitcase and came back to my apartment to take a short nap, but even that was not successful due to a stable air alarm.
Of course, you try to keep yourself in check, be organized, and have a cold head, otherwise, you will lose control over the situation. In my house, there were people, mostly elderly, who could not live on the subway. I helped them with food, medicine and moral support. After a few nights in the subway, I made a decision to evacuate. Due to the constant threat of air attacks, it was necessary to stay underground 24/7. It was almost impossible to get to the railway station by land because the threat of falling under fire was 100%. A group of four daredevils gathered in the subway and decided to go through the tunnels to get to the railway station. The journey took four hours. What must be kept in mind during such "trips" is the following: never step on the wires and move in the opposite direction from the line of tension. Our team communicated well: "Careful, wires!", "Careful, a pit!" The light went out several times, luckily, we had flashlights. It seemed to be an endless dark road, a tunnel somewhere in the mountains of Tibet. Fortunately, the Kharkiv Subway is very simple: you only need to know the station where the transition is made, it is essentially a train route, but you overcome it on foot. Honestly, it was a real adventure accompanied by russian artillery. Even though it could not reach us underground, we heard it well. Approaching each subway station, I noticed there were fewer and fewer Kharkiv residents on our way to the railway station. There were stations half empty. I gazed at people's faces and they looked back at me. I wanted to take them all with me and bring them to a safe place. Noticeable, people were living in the subway for a long time, and they have arranged their lives and communication. Such a micro-town underground.
We had one station left to pass, but the conductor did not let us further, because of the risk of terrorist attacks. We remained blocked one step towards the goal. Fortunately, after a while, we were allowed to approach the final station. And here it is – Pivdennyi Vokzal. We still had to get to the train. The queues in the Lviv direction were incredibly long. Luckily, I was going to Poltava. I managed to find a free place in the coach. In 2 hours the Kharkiv-Ivano-Frankivsk evacuation train took me to Poltava. Then was a night spent in a local kindergarten, checkpoints and finally a tiny town in Poltava Region.
This experience has changed me, my worldview and my values. There were new people nearby who shared my path. This is life. Back on the train, I clearly realized that behind me was not just a city of Kharkiv, but a part of me, because there live my people and my stories.
Kharkiv stays strong, shot and destroyed by the dirty boots of a russian soldier…The city will live, its sky is covered by a yellow and blue Ukrainian flag and faith in the victory of our brave people!
Despite all the difficulties of the war, Ukraine remains a fortress of unbreakable will, unconquered hearts and a strong spirit. Because our code is our fortress: Ukraine above all. Because Ukraine is us! Because Ukraine is me!
Author: Ukrainian Philosopher, Philologist, PhD in Social Philosophy Senior Lecturer at the Kharkiv Polytechnic University, Dr Nataliia Pustovit
